


And as everything around me fades, you stay

by wexite



Category: ATEEZ (Band)
Genre: Alternative Universe - Rock Band, Beach House, Boys In Love, Boys Kissing, Comfort, Cuddling and Snuggling, Domestic Fluff, Fluff and Angst, M/M, Some Plot, Stablished Relationship, a lot of kissing and hugging, crying but just a bit, emotional void talk, hwa hong and woo are just kinda mentioned? but they don't play big roles, i don't even know what this is, made myself cry at 2 am while writing it lmao, no beta we die like men, painter yunho, rock band member mingi, some famous people struggles talk too, talking about feelings, very light angst, yunho and mingi are in love, yunho is a softie
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-13
Updated: 2021-02-13
Packaged: 2021-03-12 21:13:35
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,603
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29391048
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/wexite/pseuds/wexite
Summary: Mingi enjoys being in a rock band most of the time, the concerts, the feeling he gets when standing on stage, the excitement of going on a new tour or the pride filling his chest when he writes a new hit. But sometimes, all the noise and lights around him put into perspective his own loneliness and that’s when he knows he needs to go back home.
Relationships: Jeong Yunho/Song Mingi
Kudos: 26





	And as everything around me fades, you stay

**Author's Note:**

> I WAS SO SAD WRITING THIS I LITERALLY CRIED, but i promise it's not /that/ sad, i'm just weird.  
> Some disclaimers: I actually wrote this attempting to break an authors block i had going on so this isn't the most planned of my fics, it is my first ateez one (Hopefully i can post more ateez fics once i'm done with some wips i still have going on), and i'm not sure about half of what i wore since i was sleep deprived, so please don't expect much. However if you still enjoy reading this somehow that'd be enough for me.
> 
> Happy reading! <3

oh baby  
after my song stops everyone leaves  
there’s only you and I left behind again  
i always get abandoned so easily  
even if my hand is held for a while, that moment flies away quickly  
but that’s okay  
it’s nothing new  
it’s you and me and no one else  
\- the black skirts, confetti and balloons

* * *

Mingi looks at his bandmate with a huge smile on his face, as the blonde vocalist points at him, giving him the cue to start his guitar solo.

With his lips trapped between his lips, Mingi closes his eyes and starts moving his fingers skillfully, trusting his skills enough to improvise and still play something cool enough for the crowd to go crazy and start cheering his name. 

The adrenaline in his body makes it all seem so easy and perfect that all he can think of is that he wishes he had more time, that the seconds lasted longer, that the clock hands moved slower. 

Mingi opens his eyes, trying to take everything his sight reaches in. The people and their expressions, the bright neon lights shining on him and the night sky looking down at him, warning him about the soon-to-be end of the show. 

He feels his ears vibrate with the ring of his own instrument coming out of the huge speakers on stage, and with the sound of thousands of voices shouting his name in unison.

The overwhelming feeling of greatness sends a shiver down his spine, and makes his cheeks cramp from all the time he has been holding his lips up on a smile. No matter how many shows he does and how many years pass, Mingi always feels his heart running at top speed like it is the first time.

But the amount of happiness he gets to experience in every concert comes at a price, and that, he remembers when the vocalist takes back the spotlight to sing the outro of their last song on the setlist for tonight.

* * *

“Everyone please gather around.” Hongjoong, the band’s vocalist, calls out loud, using his hands to ask for those who are further away to get closer. “We have officially finished our Europe Tour and I want to thank not only our members but also our staff, this all wouldn’t be possible without the mixed efforts of all of us.” The singer continues, looking around every now and making sure that nobody is missing his sincere and lovely speech. “Thank you for your hard work!” All the band members join to shout the last part at the same time, bowing and clapping their hands to congratulate everyone for another successful tour.

Then, as everyone hugs and cheers, finally feeling free from all the pressure and stress that putting an entire tour together puts over their shoulders, the staff starts making plans to go for some drinks and a well-deserved expensive dinner before going back to Korea tomorrow morning. Taking advantage of the euphoric feeling everyone is experiencing right now and the fact that this is their last night in the city, the members suggest going to a few different places until the sun rises, which the staff enthusiastically agrees with.

Usually, Mingi wouldn’t turn the offer down, always happy to make new memories with his bandmates who aren’t just his friends but who have become as close as family to him, and with their incredible staff members with whom he has lived so many incredible experiences. Still, tonight is different. 

This has been their longest tour, and the most draining one so far, therefore, even though he feels a little guilty, he takes the decision to pull Hongjoong aside of the crowd and inform him that he will pass this time. 

“Are you feeling unwell?” Hongjoong asks, looking at him with big, worried eyes. 

“No hyung, don’t worry, I’m just really tired. I don’t think I will be able to keep up with you tonight.” Mingi clarifies, knowing that his friend is too soft-hearted and that he would give the whole celebration up if he knew that Mingi needed him.

“Do you need someone to take you to the hotel? I will tell one of the st-” Hongjoon’s words are interrupted by Mingi placing his index finger on his lips and asking him to keep it down. Then, the younger reassures him that he can walk since the hotel is pretty close and he doesn’t want to drag anyone down just because he is tired. “Okay, but please be careful and send me a picture when you’re at the hotel. Call if you need anything, understood?” 

Mingi giggles. He finds Hongjoong’s attempt to be firm and intimidating pretty cute, but not having the energy to tease him about it now, he limits to nod and raise his right hand as he swears to do so. 

Then, quietly, as everyone picks up their things and prepares to leave the venue, Mingi leaves with nothing but his bag and his guitar, knowing that anything left behind will be carefully kept and after returned by the staff.

As he walks through the city streets, with his hands on his pockets and his eyes wide open, trying to grasp every little detail from the night view, he can’t help but feel small.

Mingi is taller than most people he knows, not to mention that he is confident most of the time, so he seldomly feels insignificant, but sometimes, after a big concert like today’s he gets the feeling that he isn’t more than a speck of dust in the universe.

If he had to name the worst thing about being a rockstar it would probably be the euphoria-sized-void, as he likes to call it. He has thought about it before, about the feeling of restlessness that sits on his chest sometimes and that makes him feel like suffocating, and unable to find an existing terminology to describe it, he decided to give it a name himself.

Mingi has a theory, that the more you have the more scared you feel to lose it, that the stronger a feeling is the emptier you feel when it goes away, even if it’s for a second. But there is only one person he has ever told about it. The reason? Because Mingi is, as everyone says “living the dream”, and even though it is completely stupid, those three words somehow take away his right to ever complain about his life and be sincere about his feelings, those three words dehumanize him and god forbids he ever tries to claim his humanity back by sharing his struggles with anyone but a few people he fully trusts. 

He stops in front of a red light, still a block away from the hotel. On the opposite corner, a group of people around his age laugh and talk animatedly, not caring when someone calls them out for being too loud. To Mingi, they are like birds. Free to do whatever they want, to go wherever they want, careless and  _ alive _ . Migni wonders if they ever feel the way that he does.

The light changes to green and he walks towards the other side of the street, passing right next to the large group of young friends who don’t even bother to look at him.

Mingi isn’t ungrateful. He never takes for granted his friends, his fans, the fame, the traveling opportunities, the benefits that his career has blessed him with, but the sun sets even in paradise. 

Everything he has been given has been paid back with things that he misses didn’t know were so important. Time, sleep, silence, privacy and tranquility in his life are some of the things he might never reclaim even after he stops performing. But even more heartbreaking, Mingi knows that he will never get his naiveness back. 

Standing in front of thousands of people wasn’t easy at first, but as time passes it only gets harder. Nervousness-wise it doesn’t take him too long to shake it off now, when he is on stage he feels like he is capable of anything, and the unsettling fear of making a mistake isn’t that consuming anymore. The hardest part comes a few moments before the show ends, when Mingi finally gets a moment to look at all the people in front of him, clearly and more grounded than in the middle of a song, and he realizes that when he is back to his hotel room there won’t be  _ anybody _ by his side himself.

Then the euphoria-sized-void makes its appearance and Mingi feels like he could die. It is then when he realizes how lonely the world actually is, how lonely living actually is, and he wishes he had never found out the horrifying truth about temporary company. He wishes he could go back to the time where he didn’t know how addicting it was to have a crowd cheer your name, and how frightening it was to be surrounded by silence right after. 

The hotel room’s door opens slowly, making a loud click sound as Mingi enters the room and closes it right after. He takes off his shoes and tosses them aside in some corner of the room, as well as his black bag full of extra-clothes. Then he places his guitar carefully on the floor and rests it safely against the wall. 

Without thinking twice, Mingi walks to the bathroom, dragging his feet as he feels his previously numb muscles start hurting due to all the jumping he did earlier on stage. As he strippes up, he checks the hour on the dual clock of his phone, noticing it’s just 7:00 AM in Korea and deciding to send a text instead of calling not to disturb the sleep of the person he so desperately wants to reach. 

The hot water falls over Mingi’s body helping him relax and start feeling better as all the sweat leaves his body and the stickiness of his skin and hair gradually fades away. 

Inside the shower he tries not to think much, even though he knows that pushing his thoughts and feelings away doesn’t usually help him, he might as well just wait until he gets back home and feels safe to wholeheartedly accept his sadness and let it wash all over him.

* * *

Sitting on the edge of the fluffy and soft bed, with his pajamas already on and almost ready to sleep, Mingi checks his phone once again, smiling when he sees an unread text from  _ him _ .

**Yuyu**

I woke up early today, couldn’t sleep much actually. Do you want me to call you?

Eager to hear his boyfriend’s voice, Mingi leaves the text on read and goes directly to his contact list to call him right away. The phone rings three times before Yunho picks up and greets him with a simple “Hey.”

“Hi love.” Mingi beams. “Why couldn’t you sleep? Are you sick or something?” His tone instantly changes to a worried one, just the same Hongjoong used an hour ago when Mingi expressed his tiredness.

“No, I just miss you.” Yunho’s words come out quite monotonically. He isn’t trying to make Mingi feel guilty, or sad, he just wants to let him now that  _ he is waiting _ . And Mingi is too.

“I’ll be there tomorrow, and I will go straight home. I can’t wait to see you.” He promises, making sure that his intention is portrayed on the way he emphasises the fact that he won’t make any scales. 

“What do you want to eat when you come back? I will cook anything for you, just name it.” The braggy undertone on Yunho’s suggestion makes Mingi scoff.

“Has my boyfriend learnt how to cook while I was gone? Should I be worried that there is someone taking my place?” Mingi jokes, feeling a sense of familiarity and relief when Yunho starts nagging at him for not believing in his cooking skills and for underestimating his ability to try to improve in order to do something nice for his boyfriend. “Okay, okay, I’m sorry. I’m glad Seonhwa hyung has been helping you practice, and keeping you company. I have high expectations for the cookies I’ll receive tomorrow.”

“You just picked what I’ve been practicing the most.” Yunho proudly replies. “Prepare yourself to be surprised!”

Mingi laughs, and suddenly his body feels lighter, and his mind a little less clouded than before. “I love you.” He sincerely tells Yunho.

“I love you too.” Is all that Mingi needs to hear to find peace enough to finally go to sleep and stop feeling overwhelmed by his devastating feelings at least for now.

* * *

“I’m home!” Mingi shouts out loud as he stands on the entrance, his hand resting against the wall as he takes off his shoes and changes into his comfy gray slippers. The house feels warm as always, the welcoming breeze from the beach sneaking in through the balcony doors that Yunho likes to keep open all the time.

Not even a minute passes until Mingi spots Yunho’s shiny eyes peeking from behind the hall’s wall. “Welcome home.” Yunho says then, as he comes to meet his boyfriend with arms wide open, inviting him into a hug.

Without hesitation, Mingi runs towards his loved one, holding his waist tightly and picking him up from the ground. They spin for a few seconds, the sound of Yunho’s laughter filling the entire house. And when they stop, Yunho takes a strand of Mingi’s red hair delicately placing it behind his ear, looking into his eyes and then leaning in for a short but deep kiss.

“I’ve missed you so much, you have no idea.” The red haired man whines as he puts his boyfriend down.

“I know. I’ve missed you too.” Yunho remarks. He takes Mingi’s hand on his, intertwining their fingers and pulls him towards the kitchen, ignoring him when he says he has to unpack and take a shower, argumenting that those things can wait. “Now, sit down here and eat.” 

Mingi sits on one of the tall stools in front of the marble breakfast bar in the kitchen, waiting for Yunho to sit on the one in front of him before looking down at the dishes he’s prepared. Mingi’s eyes open wide at the variety of food he sees in front of him, from smoothies and cups of fruit, to pasta and egg sandwiches that nearly look as if they were cooked by a professional chef.There is also a cup of hot milk and a small plate with chocolate-chips cookies. 

He looks up to Yunho once again, smiling when he sees the proud look on his boyfriend’s face and immediately complimenting him about how amazing this is and how he can’t wait to eat it all.

As both of them start eating Mingi tries to forget about the feeling he had last night. He tries to put it aside for a bit longer, not wanting to ruin Yunho’s mood or shedding tears over the delicious lunch he prepared. And for some time it works, Mingi shares all the details of the concert with Yunho, sparing the not-so-pleasant ones obviously, but making the most out of the happy times he experienced. Then, he talks about the city and how beautiful it is at night, leaving the fact that it is also very lonely out. And once he’s done talking he centers on Yunho, listening to all the funny stories he has been waiting to share about how Seonghwa scolding him for burning the bread, and Wooyoung eating it anyways saying it wasn’t that bad, about the days in which he would go to do grocery shopping and would see something funny and instantly thought of sending a picture to Mingi, about the new paintings he’s done and how successful his exhibition had been last month. 

Mingi listens to everything carefully, making casual comments in between stories to let Yunho know that he is paying attention, that he is really interested, but staying silent for the most part, not wanting to interrupt him when he gets excited talking about something that is so meaningful that it makes him bounce on his seat. 

Before they know it, afternoon reaches them. The orange light of the golden hour comes in through the living room’s large windows and hits Mingi’s heels. “Shall we move our lovely conversation to the bedroom?” The red-haired suggests, offering his hand to Yunho promising to do the dishes himself later if he chooses to ignore them for a bit so they can cuddle.

“Deal.”

* * *

The air inside the bedroom is warm and light. Mingi lays on his side, looking at Yunho who lays in front of him and he whispers “you’re beautiful.” The blush on Yunho’s face that Mingi adores, making an instant appearance. 

With his hand, Mingi reaches to touch his lover’s face, caresing the warm skin of his cheek with the tip of his fingers, seeing Yunho glows under the orange sun rays. Melancholy hits him soon after, bringing all the bottled up feelings to the surface and making the sadness build up inside his chest. 

Carefully, Yunho reaches for his hand and pulls him closer just to wrap his long arms around Mingi’s waist. “What's wrong? You sound a bit off since yesterday when you called.”

Yunho’s words and the frown on his face as he looks at him makes Mingi aware of the fact that he is frowning too, and that his eyes have started filling with tears. Somewhere inside Mingi, there is a voice that tells him not to speak, not to share his pain with Yunho so that the latter doesn’t have to go through this too. Even after all the years they’ve been together, and even when he knows that Yunho won’t sink with him, but rather bring him back to the surface, getting pampered with sadness and loneliness on his own is a bad habit that Mingi hasn’t been able to unlearn.

Thankfully, Yunho is patient, understanding and most importantly, he adores Mingi more than anyone in this world. “It’s okay if you don’t want to talk, but allow me to be here with you as you work your way through whatever is bothering you, please.” 

Mingi adores Yunho too, more than anyone in the universe. So he nods slowly, and curls up on the bed, right next to him, placing his head against Yunho’s chest and he cries silently, trying to hide his sobs somewhere inside Yunho’s ribcage, close to his heart. 

His body rocks as he sheds the tears he’s been holding for so long, and finally lets go of all the worries he’s been holding onto for longer than he’s been aware of. 

In the meantime, Yunho hums a lullaby for Mingi, one that is specially reserved for  _ him _ , one that lives inside Yunho’s heart, right next to the spot where Mingi’s heart has also taken root, and that exists only here, now, in their bedroom, with Yunho, in the safety of his embrace. 

“I feel so lonely Yunho, when I’m away, after every show, when everyone has left, I feel like I have nothing and like  _ I am _ nothing.” Mingi hiccups, trying to calm down and go back to breathing normally. 

“The euphoria-sized.-void?  _ Oh love _ , it’s okay.” Yunho takes Mingi’s face between his hands, carefully making him look up so that they’re looking into each other’s eyes. He leaves a sweet peck on his lips. “Just like the adrenaline you get in that moment is ephemeral, the emptiness is too. It will pass, at some point like it has before.” Yunho runs his fingers on the back of Mingi’s head, making the read-head hum. Then, he kisses him again, gently, with love and compassion, making sure that Mingi feels it too.

“But what if it doesn’t? Or what if it takes longer than it has before, I don’t want to go through it any longer.” Mingi says when they break the kiss, a plea in his eyes for Yunho to console him somehow.

“If it lasts longer I will be here.” Yunho kisses Mingi’s cheek. “If it doesn’t go away I will be here.” Then, he kisses his forehead. “Even if you never feel it again, I will  _ still  _ be here.” And finally, he taps the tip of his nose making Mingi smile. “You will never have to go through it alone unless you choose to do so, and that is okay too, then, I will patiently wait for you to come back to me, when you’re ready.”

Once again, Mingi is reminded that Yunho loves him, so fucking much that sometimes it seems unreal. He is reminded that everything that comes into his life is bound to leave at some point, that his feelings are temporary too, and that no matter where time goes, whether is forward, backwards or even if it stays still Yunho will remain intact, eternal, timeless as a part of Mingi’s soul.

“I love you.” Mingi whispers.

“I love you.” Yunho replies sincerely.

A thousand concerts and people might come again tomorrow, and Mingi will still feel insignificant and lonely every now and then. But when that time comes, the lights on the venue extinguish, the people who screamed his name leaves, and he is left with nothing but melancholy, Yunho will be there to wait with Mingi for the so-expected euphoria to come around again, to hold his hand and make sure he remembers that he isn’t as alone as he thought he was, and it will be the two of them, together, and no one else.

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you for reading until the end, if you like this comments and kudos as well as constructive criticism are always welcomed!  
> If you want to talk to me or follow me my twitter is auroralixie!<3


End file.
